Face of hope

Face of hope
Courtesy: TIffany Kay Photography

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Termination, shmermination

The more and more I lay around thinking about all that was told to us, the more annoyed I get, to be quite honest. The amount of times we were "advised" to terminate, or asked if we would consider it were rediculous... (and I'm sure we'll get more of these questions as we proceed). What's even worse is the sly little way the counselor kept repeating the same question - as if I wouldn't "catch on."

Hey, guess what! Just because our daughter has what you think is a grim outlook, doesn't mean we can just discard her like trash.  We are human beings - she is our child. She is not some animal who we can "put down" to "put out of her misery" or "make her life free of hardships".. I'm sorry, but, that is a cop out. I'm her mom. My job is to protect her and respect her life however I can. 

Even if she has one of the fatal genetic causes of Hydrocephalus (which I doubt, but, even so..) it would not change our minds. The genetic counselor kept telling us if it was one of these things, she would not make it to birth. Ok - so what do you want me to do about it?? If she has a condition where she won't make it to birth, then it's not up to ME to then cut her life short to make it easier on ME so I can say goodbye ... or so I can "help" her along her way.  It's my job to be her mom - and whenever she does pass on, to deal with that when it happens.  If I were to lose my child, I wouldn't need guilt on top of it.  That's between our baby and GOD when she decides to go to Him. It is NOT up to us. We are only here to love her, and support her the best way we can. The rest is out of our hands. Just because we "can" do some things in medicine doesn't mean we  SHOULD.  If she is for some reason not destined to be with us, why would I ever cut short one day of her living inside of me! She is there NOW, and that is where she will stay.... right with her mommy... where she should be. If her leaving us is hard on me, tough... it's not about me. It's about her... and THAT is what being a parent is all about.

I kept thinking if one of my 4 healthy girls got into a bike accident, or choked and succumbed to brain damage -- what would we do? Give them away? Ask to "terminate" them too? Leave them on the street? I mean, come on... our children are our children - whether in the womb, here with us on Earth, or in heaven.  We need to welcome them for however long or under whatever circumstance that may be and remind them of how valuable their lives are, no matter how long that is.  We have NO guaruntee even with our children born healthy.. what kind of parents are we to decide what may be easier for them? God gives us our destinies... God gives us our crosses. We don't have to LIKE the suffering He gives us, or our children, but it is up to us to hold our heads up high and carry those crosses - or help our children carry theirs. And what would that teach our girls if we ended the pregnancy? How could they trust us completely with their own well being if we decided dealing with our baby girl's issues are just "too much?" How could we be consistent with them in our unconditional love, if we provide conditions to our love for our baby girl? It just doesn't make sense. It's better to give our girls a strong example of what parental love is - accepting the hardships (no matter how tiring or difficult they may be).

Ever since all these questions of continuing onward have been thrown our direction, I have quickly recovered from the shock at the diagnosis and have instead been thanking God that this baby is our baby.  First because I believe, after talking at length with other Hydrocephalus families, that this happened to us for a reason. For a chance to get, yet another, personal story out there about Hydro, the facts, the fears, and then the reality of just not knowing what will come, so hopefully helping others in our situation to err on the side of believing in your child. Secondly, and most importantly, I thank God this baby is our baby because I have realized, very bluntly over this week of appointments, that she may have not been safe with another family. They may have chosen to terminate her life, and I am so relieved she is with us instead. We love her and will wrap our arms around her to protect her with whatever lies ahead. Life is not perfect, so why should we care if our child is perfect? Life is about quality - and who am I to say that even in the worst case scenerio, her life has no quality? Guess what doctors - We have a God... and it's not YOU.

We decided in light of all this to name our little girl Meagan Theresa.  Brian searched and searched for names from our old lists and new ones because he wanted special meaning behind it, especially this time.  He was looking for things having to do with strength, courage, survival..etc.  And then we revisited 'Meagan' ... it had been on our list since Reilly was born and we had always liked it.  We read the meaning "priceless little pearl" ... and that was it. PRICELESS - that was the meaning we were looking for. It was perfect because she is JUST that.. and nothing less.  We chose Theresa because St. Theresa's feast day is in October - which is also the month Meagan is due. We also love the story of St. Theresa - and pay homage to Mother Teresa - the ultimate example of unconditional love of a child we had here on Earth recently.

So, sweet Meagan - you have made me realize more than ever why I am pro-life. Because now having been faced with a first hand situation, choosing your life is the natural choice... because it is NOT my choice. Keep kicking the heck out of me... and keep showing those doctors they know nothing about life because if they did, they would immediately realize how precious yours is.


  1. Beautiful!! Perhaps you should consider submitting this! Clearly there are many out there who need to read it.

  2. Molly,
    I couldn't imagine someone putting it more perfectly. I'm proud of you:)
    Love, Pree

  3. I agree with Preeya. That was beautiful. Good for you!!

  4. Good for you! We will keep you in our prayers and will ask St. Gerard for help!