Silence is not always golden

It has definitely come to be my understanding this week that I am more obsessive about Meagan's movement than my other kids.  If the other girls had a lull of 1-2 days, I never thought much of it.... I figured they were growing, or I had been moving around alot and not noticed... But when I don't feel movement with Meagan, my immediate reaction is panic.. my heart gets faster, and I go sit or lay down right away until I can at least feel a kick or two.  I know a lot of this fear is completely unfounded, but with everything going on, I think this is evidence that I'm not always good at looking past the worry. 

Today has been one of those 'lull' days for her - I have felt her maybe once, at Mass this morning, and since then nothing... so every hour that passes definitely makes my pulse race a little more.  One thing I have eaten during this pregnancy that gets a reaction every time are Acai Blueberry Popsicles. Other sugary things don't always make her respond.. so she must REALLY like these.  When I went to get one, they were gone, so, of course Brian offered to go out and get a few new boxes.  They are so good and really help with the summer heat - but in a way they are also like my "movement medicine" ...  on days of little movement, one of these usually creates a few good kicks so I know all is still well.

The ultrasounds seem to compound on my worry. I absolutely love to see how incredibly energetic she is on our ultrasounds, no matter the time of day... but when I don't feel her as much, my thoughts immediately race to the worst case scenerio. It always gives me relief every 2 weeks seeing her up there, dancing around inside.. but in between appointments it's like time is suspended.

So I'm going to enjoy my Acai Blueberry popsicles tonight and wait for those precious movements I crave ... I'm sure she'll beat me up, as usual, once the popsicle 'kicks in' .... but man, those moments in between are scary. Not even a teenager and she is already making my heart race.

 My definition of "comfort food" has definitely changed... and it is apparent to me that although I am incredibly strong, my worry will not be put to rest until I am holding her safely in my arms.