Face of hope

Face of hope
Courtesy: TIffany Kay Photography

Friday, June 17, 2011

Mother Teresa

As we continue down this journey, I read more and more stories of mothers wanting or contemplating termination for this diagnosis. Without trying to sound insensitive, I must say, I do not understand this logic. AT. ALL.  For us, our "options" to "deal" with a pregnancy (good OR bad) stop when we become pregnant.  The moment we open ourselves up to conception, we open ourselves up to that child's life.  We do not open ourselves up to the child's life with a list of conditions of acceptance.

If my job gets tough, I don't quit. If school gets hard, I don't drop out. If a friendship gets rough, I don't give up. If my marriage gets hard, I don't run away. If my children get sick, I don't give them up. So when my child, in utero, is ill or disabled, why is it then 'ok' for parents to consider ending her life? Why is the most dangerous place for a child in her mother's womb? This is totally unnatural.

I'm not disregarding the fact that a diagnosis such as our daughter's is tough. It is. It is devastating, sad, uncertain. It can (and should, frankly, if we are human) make us, as parents, upset, worried, and even angry at the world. However - how... HOW.. does this translate into thinking it's ok to end her life?  What happens down the road if we can see into the future - what if my oldest daughter was destined to be in a biking accident at 8 years old and have severe brain damage, and we could find this out when I was pregnant with her ... would we end our children's lives because of terrible things that happen to them down the road? How is that any different than Meagan going through a terrible thing right now? There is no difference. And I am so sick of the term "Termination for medical reasons."  That is a nice way of saying "I chose to kill my child because I did not want to deal with all the hardships he/she may bring."

I know it sounds blunt, but, it is the TRUTH. Parenting is rough - we had 4 kids in under 6 years...a move, a lot of ups and downs... financial uncertainty...etc..and now with Meagan's diagnosis.. how will this affect our limited finances? How will it affect our older children and their activities, routine..etc..?  it is ROUGH! But .. it is such a joy! I look at my girls and cannot imagine what is more important than them being right here where they belong. Why should I think differently for Meagan?   There will always be good days and bad days.. and I'm sure we will know this to an even higher degree once Meagan is here.  But...such is life.  Why are we teaching our children of this and the next generation to give up on difficult situations? Or that life with hardship is life not worth living? What kind of lessons does that give our children and grandchildren?  If we teach them that it is ok to end a life in the womb because of a terrible diagnosis - how do we then explain to our living children what to do when life DOES get hard for them?   How can we expect good children, when from the beginning we tell a mother it is ok to kill her child? And who are we to decide what quality is when it comes to life?

The job of being a mother is NOT to make it as EASY on us as possible! It is not to "alieviate" our child's suffering even by crossing deep moral bounds of taking an innocent life! It is to LOVE the child - period. End of story. Anything else that comes along with it is all just part of being human. It is part of our humanity to have human suffering - as mothers, this is difficult to see in our own children...but we must understand it is NOT ours to take into our own hands.  That is why we must try our hardest to accept what we are given -- and help our children with whatever hand they are dealt.. because ultimately we are trying to get our children to heaven. We cannot accomplish this by hiding behind a "termination for medical reasons" bogus excuse - WE do not decide if and when our children enter heaven...we need to accept them, hold them in our arms and walk the path WITH them no matter how hard.. and THIS is how we are truly fulfilling motherhood - and truly helping our children reach heaven to be with God one day.

And what about the mother...the woman. It is not natural for a mother to harm her child... so when one feels it is 'necessary' to terminate due to medical problems with the baby, it doesn't help her either. She probably feels alone, scared, and like there is no hope for her baby. We should be wrapping our arms around these mothers and helping them... giving them hope... and telling them that it's ok to have all those feelings of fear and anger. But we should also help them to protect their child, and start being the best mother they can be... even in the face of such unknowns. We need to also protect the mother from a lifetime of regret and sorrow and help her see that she was chosen for a reason to have a child who would need her so much. God must know these women who go through the devastation of their child's diagnosis are stronger than the 'what ifs' and the 'negatives' ... He must have looked upon these women, and said "Yes, YOU are strong and loving... and you can do this so I will give you this special child." We cannot continue to let doctors scare these women out of being what they already are with the child in their womb - a mother.

This whole situation got me thinking about Mother Teresa.  She was such an example of unconditional love on this Earth. THIS is the kind of love and open hearted acceptance we, as mothers, should have for our children. I pulled a few of her quotes which we should all read and take to heart.

"Please don't kill the child. I want the child. Please give me the child. I am willing to accept any child who would be aborted, and to give that child to a married couple who will love the child, and be loved by the child. From our children's home in Calcutta alone, we have saved over 3,000 children from abortions. These children have brought such love and joy to their adopting parents, and have grown up so full of love and joy!"

"Any country that accepts abortion, is not teaching its people to love, but to use any violence to get what it wants."

And my personal favorite, which basically sums it all up:

"It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."

1 comment:

  1. You summed up my thoughts perfectly! Thank you for sharing your love and faith with everyone. You are such an inspiration!