Beautiful

Beautiful is one of those words that we hear all the time... kind of like "love."  It is often used in many contexts, thrown around like the wind and overused... and yes... meaningless at times because of these things.  But it truly is a word that fascinates me.  What is "beautiful?" Despite all its overuse, I think I found its true meaning when I looked at my sweet girl in my arms tonight.

Meagan had a pretty sleepy day.  She was awake for a few minutes here and there, and in these times was alert.  I sat her up on my knees and just looked at her.  I started looking at her hair - it is so thick.  It has a rich dark brown color and on the ends, she is even starting to get these crazy curls.  Then I looked at her eyebrows.. they are so inquisitive.  They raise up when she looks at me, and get stern when she doesn't feel well.  Her eyes of course are just like her sisters'... so big.  They seem to take in all they can from her surroundings.  Meagan has the tiniest cutest little nose... and her lips and mouth are also tiny and almost look 'painted' on her face.  Overall, Meagan has very delicate features.  I loved just sitting there looking at her face and all the stories every little part of that face was telling me.

People tell me all the time "Meagan is so beautiful."  Especially nurses or doctors that we have had to work with over prolonged periods of time.  Her Neurosurgeon said the other day "Oh Meagan you are so beautiful," following which he picked her up and gave her kisses on her head and snuggled her.  Family and friends will drop me a note and tell me "Oh Meagan is so beautiful in her latest picture."    I must say I have agreed with all of these people... a lot of that is because I'm her mom - of course I think she's beautiful, as I also think my other girls are beautiful...and as any mom would about her child. Today, out of curiosity, I decided to look up the 'real' definition of beautiful.

 According to the dictionary beautiful means: 1. Pleasing the sense or mind aesthetically and 2. of a very high standard; excellent.   I have definitely been thinking more of the first definition.  Her little features, her dark hair, her delicate being - it was aesthetically pleasing to look at my sweet baby and all the things that made her beautiful.  But the more and more I sat with her today, I realized I was ignoring half of the definition of beautiful that I read tonight.  Sure, I may think Meagan is beautiful on the outside, but I think I was missing the point.

I then started to think about everything she's been through in her mere 4 months on Earth: a risky birth, brain surgery at 3 days old, 4 shunt adjustments, seizures, 3 hospitalizations, 6 ER visits, Bronchilitis, shunt swelling, vomiting, pressure, pain and countless needle sticks. I started to think about how much that was for such a tiny body, such a tiny person....then I looked down at Meagan laying on my knees.  Her physical beauty was apparent, but then it was clear to me she embodied the whole definition of beautiful. 

Meagan is the least judgemental person I know. She however, has probably been the most judged by others. She has been doubted the most.  She has been dismissed the most.  And yet here she is.  Making her own path...working through her challenges...and surprising me everyday. The doctors who judged her life before she even started living it didnt' know what they were dealing with.  Meagan truly is the second half of beautiful:  "of a higher standard; excellent."  She is of a higher standard than those who chose to dismiss her existence...and she is doing excellent despite expert opinions, medical degrees, or doubting bystandards who said otherwise.

So as I sit here tonight, do I notice Meagan's dark thick hair? Do I study her eyes and her long lashes? Do I ponder her delicate nose and lips? Of course.  But I smile at her excellenece to push forward.  I am in awe of her higher standard of life... to take setback after setback and smile her way through them all.  And I am certainly one proud Mama of a truly beautiful little baby girl.  Next time I am curious about the full meaning of beautiful, I know I don't have to look it up, or search on Google, or pull out my dictionary.  I can just look at Meagan.