The Big Picture

Sometimes this process is crazy because things seem to go so slowly.... but then other revelations come to me instantaneously.  And this is what has happened to me over the last few days.

Ever since my vent the other night on Meagan feeling so badly, I felt like I almost did a 180.  Like I was suddenly "ok" with the process we are stuck in.  I felt relief from being able to share my words and my fears... but at the same time, I realized I was missing a huge part of Meagan's story - her family.  While I love this blog to update all our friends and family across the country and beyond of how she is doing and what her latest struggles and accomplishments are, I also realized a large part of her comfort during struggles, or encouragement during accomplishments are directly from her family; sisters, mommy, and daddy. And yes, sometimes, her lovable lab.  So I think this is an important transition in Meagan's story.  Or, I should say, an important piece of the puzzle for readers to truly understand Meagan's story.

Meagan enjoying the day hiking with her sisters

I've been thinking about this for a while.... but always came back to just updating on Meagan because of that being my original intention.  But as she gets older, my girls and other family and friends are so intertwined in many of Meagan's stories, I realized leaving out those stories leaves out a piece of Meagan's story.  Then yesterday, we took our girls to a playground.  It was very hot outside, so we told the girls we'd get them some ice cream on the way home.  The girls all chose to sit at the window counter....and then it hit me as I was looking up at them.  The big picture.  My 4 older girls, sitting there laughing, enjoying ice cream, and sharing stories... and I realized... they ARE Meagan's stories. They are the ones she will look up to... they are the ones she looks at each day... they are the ones that are constantly snuggling her, smiling at her, and trying to help her grow. As I watched my girls enjoy their ice cream treat, I could almost see Meagan sitting right there next to them one day,talking and laughing along with them.

Ironically, the Homily at Mass today was extremely relavent to what I'd been thinking about.  In the Homily, Father talked about getting so caught up in details of a situation, that we miss the main message. It really struck me because while detailing Meagan's updates is very important, I also don't want it to cloud the overall message of hope. I thank God everyday for being Meagan's mom, but I have to also remember that Meagan's life isn't just a gift to ME.....she was born into a FAMILY.  A family that has a dad, 4 big sisters, and many other friends and family members that love her. A family where we love each other very much... and where Meagan's gift of life has not singled her out, but rather led her to bond us so much closer - as a family unit.

Daddy and the girls celebrating - we made it to the top of the mountain!

So while Meagan's updates will continue to be the main points in the blog, her experiences as a member of our family will be the glue that holds it all together.  Hydrocephalus is an unknown journey and a worrisome one at that.  But it's the family that makes it bearable.... it's the family that makes every struggle "ok" .... and the family that celebrates every triumph Meagan will accomplish.


So here's to you Meagan for once again showing Mommy the "big picture."

(And by the way, she is feeling MUCH better) :)