Today, as I was leaving to get to Meagan's music therapy class, I stopped to get myself some coffee. The lady in front of me ordered a Large Vanilla Latte...with half the flavor.. but an extra shot of espresso... but steamed only to 'warm' .... but with fat free milk .... but with whipped cream... and it went on. Meanwhile I'm standing there waiting to just order a Large Coffee.. which requires a lever being pulled down and coffee being allowed to fall into my cup. But I have the person in front of me creating the designer drink from hell .. so of course, it takes several minutes.
I finally got out of there, and got in the car to continue to therapy with Megs. Right as I'm getting on the highway, there is a guy driving about 20mph down the ramp - you know, the thing we are supposed to use to accelerate on to the highway. The 3 cars behind him were able to pass, but just as the ramp closed down to a single lane, yep, you guessed it... yours truly was stuck behind this guy. Trying to merge onto a highway with people going 70mph whiel we were going 20mph.
Later today, I was in a hurry to get to my oldest daughter's school to pick her up. There was construction on the main road to the school. I knew a shortcut, so at the next opportunity, I turned around and made my way back to the neighborhood roads I could use. As soon as I turned on to the two lane neighborhood road, a big yellow school bus pulled out in front of me. And stopped. At EVERY block for the entire road. "Seriously??" I found myself thinking....
Today, there was just no way I could 'hurry' anywhere.
All these little "pauses" in my day made me start to think about Meagan. We have had so many pauses as far as negatives and setbacks... shunt settings not working, seizures, pain, discomfort, etc.. But now, for almost this whole week, we've been in a GOOD place with her. She's had no seizures... shunt is working fine and seems to be on a good setting... she doesn't seem to be uncomfortable, and doesn't seem to be in pain. I got to thinking about what I've been saying to myself all day long.. "Hurry up!!" ... and I realized maybe the words I should be saying are "Slow down!"
Perhaps God was throwing all these 'obstacles' in my path today to remind me to slow down! Megs is having a relief week. We are actually seeing her grow, enjoying her personality emerging, and seeing a lot of progress.. .moreso than she's ever had since she was born. And all I could say today was "hurry up." Shame on me! I should be enjoying these pauses ... this nice plateau we have of Meagan being in a good place. This is the time I should want to push "Pause" on our life and relish in the fact that this week, she is basically functioning as a 'normal' baby. I know she has bad days, but I need to celebrate when she has good ones!
Just last night, Brian was holding Meagan. She was looking at him, like she has this past week. Suddenly, she looked up and went "Ooooo" to Brian. We looked at each other. I thought to myself... "I think that was on purpose!!" ... so I talked to her... "Hi Meagan! Hi baby! How are you?" Meagan's response: "ooohh ahhh" ... She was cooing!!! For the first time, she had purposefully made sound, and was communicating and responding to Brian and me! I grabbed the video camera and got a video of her doing this. Once she started, she didn't stop!! It was as if she'd found her voice.. and she was NOT going to let it go! This was another great moment this week... first her smile, and now her cooing. Two positives in a row?? I almost didn't want to think about it for fear of this good streak ending. But I do need to slow down and enjoy these little milestones she is finally accomplishing because each one is a miracle in and of itself. So much for her being a "vegetable" according to some doctors .... my baby was smiling and cooing at me. She is starting to tell her own story. And she has quite a lot to say!!
I'm so glad you are feeling so well right now Meagan! Mommy will remember that although we have our negative pauses, we can also have positive ones! When we have good weeks, like this one, I need to put on the brakes... stop and take a look around.. and soak in the miracles God is working through you everyday. Sometimes, I get so caught up in the relief moments, I forget to actually enjoy them. There is so much emphasis on your bad days, and, rightfully so, but sometimes your great days get overlooked. I think God put today together perfectly for me. He put that lady in line at the coffee shop, the slow driving in front of me, and the school bus on the same road because He needed to remind me to pause. Meagan, He has given you this great week... and He needed to tell me "Sit down....stay a while." And He's right.