Face of hope

Face of hope
Courtesy: TIffany Kay Photography

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

In Her Time - Crawling has begun!

Excuse the delay of this post - it has been on my mind most of the day and I am now just getting to it late at night.  We had a wonderful Fourth of July weekend celebrating our independence and freedoms with our family and friends with parades, good food, fun festivals, and finally a great home cooked meal with good old fashioned driveway sparklers and festive desserts.  It was a great day and we really enjoyed every minute of it.  All the kids had fun.  We enjoyed a visit with my parents.  And it was a very patriotic day to remember why we love to live in this great country.

The girls with Nanny and Pop Pop enjoying the parade

That night is when things took a bit of a bad turn.  I started to feel achey towards the end of the festivities - I assumed I was just tired and overrun, but as soon as I headed to bed I knew it was definitely illness coming on.  By 2 am I was wide awake with a 103 fever and by the way everything hurt so badly, I knew I had come down with the flu.  Since Reilly had just overcome pneumonia, I wanted to be sure I wasn't also catching that and so I made a quick trip in to the doctor on Saturday morning.  It was the flu, so there was nothing I could do but wait it out. Ugh. 

The last 5 days have been pretty miserable - I have basically been in bed or up for only a few seconds when needed and Brian has been a huge help covering all household duties plus his own work - even throwing in a few things like dishes, vacuuming and cleaning my entire car for me top to bottom, inside and out.  While I have been down, the girls have done an amazing job helping out as well, especially with Meagan.  I would have them coming to ask me for diapers, or what time her feeds were, or if she could have this or that for a snack, and sometimes I would hear them playing with her encouraging her to try to go on her hands or playing games with her to get her moving and "working" a little - things normally I would do not necessarily daily, but enough where it was consistent. The gait trainer is still a struggle so I told them to just forget it for now and we would pick it back up when I felt better. If you ask Meagan "do you want to walk?" (ie: go in her gait trainer)..she fimly says "NO!" so it's something I decided to just forego at the time and let her choose when she feels comfortable enough to do it.  There's no hurry. She will do things in her own time.

This afternoon was really the first time I felt human again.  Still fever, still aches, and other things going on, but I *hope* this flu is finally on the way out.  Brian went back to work and we were all sitting downstairs having some quiet movie time, when Meagan asked to go to bed.  Considering the time, it wasn't abnormal.  She usually naps mid morning and so I went to pick her up and lay her in her Nap Nanny (she has loved laying in that lately to lounge or nap).  I said "ok let's go" and before I knew it, Meagan put her hands on the ground and looked like she was going to crawl to the Nap Nanny.  Of course, I grabbed my phone and turned on the video and caught the tail end of it.

Of course we all got excited - I hadn't seen effort like this since the end of February when we started to lose skills and arm strength. We had not even made any progress in PT lately with crawling again - she would fight it, or cry, or would get on all fours but collapse.. etc.. the list goes on.  I was shocked how she quite literally, just turned herself over and did it. Just like that.

In true Meagan fashion, as soon as she lay her head down it popped right back up again ready to play.  She didn't want to sleep.  She wanted to crawl! So we started to "play" with her and see if she would crawl on demand.  Each time she went a little longer and with a little more fervor.  There is NO denying the sheer grit on this girl's face in this video:

I was so excited I texted family and some close friends throughout the day and knew it would be such an exciting rest of the day.  She had been working so hard towards this months ago only to lose it to all quite literally overnight to the problems with her shunt. It is like she literally just had something "click" and picked up where she left off. Meagan kept crawling in spurts throughout the day and then eventually did just lay down and actually fall asleep.  I don't blame her... it's really hard work.

This up and down journey since February has really taught me that this whole time while I have had hope for her, (that she would regain what she had lost), it was silly because the whole time, she always had hope within herself.  Nothing I can feel for her, matches what she must feel herself on the inside.  Meagan just needed time for things to be fixed again, to settle down, to build up lost strength, and then to say "ok, I'm ready" and try again.

As I watched her work today, I was fascinated by the perfect combination of sheer determination, struggle and joy I witnessed in her face.  I was thinking about my last several days with the flu - and it was horribly bad! So many nights of tears and literally sleepless pain.  I remember just laying in bed and thinking about all Meagan has gone through.  I prayed telling God I wanted to offer all of it up for Meagan - I asked Him to please accept my suffering for her specifically since she had been through so much already. Then ..... today happened. Coincidence? Who knows. But I do believe out of suffering comes good. I have seen it happen many times with Megs. And today was no different.

Watching Meagan throughout the day push herself up, crawl a bit, faceplant, and lay there only to push herself up again to do it all over,  I realized that she is so much stronger than me, or anyone I know.  Through all of her bumps and falls today, there was no crying, no fussing, and no whining.  She was just beaming with joy which clouded away any struggle.  In her time,  she has found her way back. In her time, she will reach for her next goal, whatever that may be.  And in her time, she has and will continue to touch so many with the grace in which she does it because of course God knows the perfect time for everything.

Showing daddy for the first time in person!


  1. She is awesome! She looks so proud of herself. I needed to read this post today since we are on the down end of things with our Ellie. Way to go Meagan!

    1. Thank you Kim! So sorry to hear things are rough right now. We will keep Ellie in our prayers.

  2. Thank you for sharing your family! Our daughter Beatrice has a hydro dx among other things. She recently started crawling, as well!! She just turned 2.5. Thank you, again!!

    1. So happy for you all Laura! Every little accomplishment is such a huge celebration!